The God Patent by Ransom Stephens

May I begin with a digression? I realize it violates the rules of English major physics; but in the words of the immortal Gene Wilder in Blazing Saddles, “I must! I must!” (And to digress from my digression: for anyone who has read more than one of my book reviews, it must be clear they contain more digression than substance.)

And now, let the digression begin!

There are two ways to look at America’s recent penchant for idiot kings. One is that a dumbed-downed American people don’t want to know the truth because it’s terrifying. The other is that God wants to confound the world’s greatest empire so that the harm it inflicts upon the rest of the world is kept to a minimum. You choose.

Sandwiched between the former idiot king George W. Bush and a future idiot queen like Sarah Palin is a king with a brain. But Americans are becoming restless with President Obama’s persistent candor about the country’s problems and challenges. Too much! Too fast!

God is probably worried too. What would happen if the American government cut back on its elephantine defense budget, and instead, listened to the cries of the people for better health care and schools? Prayers would take a big hit. God would have a lot of time to count stars and journal; but it’s not as much fun as saving the world.

End of digression, more or less.

Fortunately, presidents aren’t the only leaders whose brazenly flaunted idiocy can keep God awake at night. There is never a short supply of religious kooks. Especially in Texas. Which is where it all began for Ryan McNear, the Petaluma-bound protagonist in The God Patent.

Ryan is on the run. A laid-off software engineer whose meth-laced fling with an exotic dancer broke apart his marriage, Ryan is an unlikely hero. When he is unable to make child support payments, he skips town and lands up in Petaluma. Working a legit job is impossible. If he signed a standard W-2 form with an employer, the authorities would get a whiff of his scent. They would track him down for not paying child support and haul his rump roast back to Texas faster than Bill O’Reilly can turn a pack of lies into the Gospel truth.

The heart of this tale is a science-versus-religion battle over a couple of patents that promise to unlock the secrets of the universe and turn the power of God into an ExxonMobil wet dream.

On one side is Ryan and a new batch of quirky friends that includes a heartless lawyer (is that redundant?), a dedicated scientist who is sexy enough to lure Ryan back from the dark side and a teenage whiz kid with pimples and a handful of condoms. The other side includes the usual suspects: the evil government in cahoots with an evil corporation in cahoots with an evil university run by a right-wing religious megalomaniac. Just your typical Houston suburb barbecue crowd.

Ransom Stephens skillfully weaves together multiple plot lines and characters in a fast moving story that kept me hungry for the denouement and some baby back ribs. I loved hating the bad guys in The God Patent. They are evil in the most ordinary capitalist, self-righteous way. You might run into any of these bad guys at a megachurch or a corporate boardroom and think they’re perfectly respectable. But behind closed doors they are building machines that will take the capital G out of God. Or at least give him a mild case of indigestion. Thankfully, there are always heroes like Ryan who can see through the plastic smiles and boob jobs.

Halfway through The God Patent I found myself wondering how it would be possible to rescue Ryan from his randy software engineering self. For the first few chapters, it was hard not to dislike him immensely for what he had done to his family.  

But as I kept reading, it became apparent that Ryan’s fall from grace had given him a glimpse of the corrupt core of mendacity that is eating away at our society like Rush Limbaugh at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Lies and power are inseparable. Nowadays politicians don’t even apologize anymore when they’re caught in a lie. They know the public expects them to lie. And they are more than happy to oblige. 

Ryan chose a different way. He decided to stop lying and running away. He grew a heart. Not one of those 3.0 versions of Microsoft’s Love bundle. A real heart. The kind that gets tested and still beats true. Okay, I’ll say it. He learned to love again.

Well, he is living in Petaluma now. What did you expect?

Ransom Stephens got it right. The Petaluma scene. The suspense software. The dark side in all of us that is battling our hardwired angels. And to top it off, you can read The God Patent online for only four bucks at http://www.scribd.com/doc/15609842/The-God-Patent-By-Ransom-Stephens.

And you can order some Texas-style barbeque at http://www.bustersbarbecue.com/